On Residential Refuse Disposal

After the controversially libidinous end to my urbane career within the Perfume Industry, I lit upon the small town of Savannah as a means to clear the air. I moved into a large home in a small neighborhood, eager to embark on the long journey of rebuilding my capacity to love and trust.

Soon after I discovered the city's trash removal service makes its rounds every Tuesday, unless conflicted with a state or national holiday. But living alone as I do and purchasing products of high and long-lasting quality, the volume of waste I generate is markedly less than that of the average consumer. I seldom have reason to pull the receptacle out to the street on absolutely every Tuesday.

I noticed however that on the weeks I left my receptacle at the house, a city worker would walk up the drive, collect the can, dump the trash into the truck, and then walk the can back to the house. On one occasion I inquired as to why he was performing this task for me? I was told that my address was on the "Needs Assistance List", which I hypothesized was due to the previous owners being an elderly couple of the infirmed variety. I felt very lucky.

I was now freed-up on Monday nights to pursue personal interests rather than rolling trash cans up and down the driveway. And on Tuesdays, when the trash collectors would appear at my residence, I would quickly lay down on the sofa in the front window, being very still to look as if I were unable to walk, while they performed the task that the special-needs list absolved me of.

Things were going swimmingly until a sanitation official spotted me performing a low-impact aerobics routine through my living room window two weeks ago. I immediately jumped behind the drapery, but it was too late. As I peeked out I could see the city official shaking his head and writing on a clipboard. I knew the ruse was up. I am now rolling my own trash receptacle to the street, just like the rest of the neighborhood.

Brilliantly though, I have incorporated this new chore into my low-impact exercise routine, and after just a couple of weeks, I have already noticed a pleasing difference in both my left and right calves.