On Getting Oneself Into (And Out Of) A Cult

As summer turns to fall and the evenings get cooler, I would like to remind readers that it is the time of year when one is most susceptible to becoming involved in outdoor pagan ceremonies and cult activity.

With the nicer weather, our natural inclinations are to go out of doors, to socialize more, and become more talkative and agreeable. Nothing could be more dangerous.

One minute you're meeting a new acquaintance for lunch at a reputable restaurant, and the next you're dressed in a woolen robe in the middle of an unfamiliar forest, chanting (in what you hope is Latin) on the eve of some seasonal solstice, complete with astrological and horticultural overtones. It can happen to the best of us.

But, good news readers! I have found the secret to extricating oneself from the clutches of any kind of cultish behavior is down to one simple thing: Allergies.

When putting on their robes or attire, begin to sneeze. Apologize profusely, but don't let up. Blame the flora, fauna, or fabric blend. And if any insence or potpourri is lit afire (and I almost assure you it will) begin to cough uncontrollably. Apologize, and repeatedly ask the High Priest (or these days it might even be a "Priestess") if he or she can repeat themselves and perhaps even speak a little louder. And finally, ask to take a "sit-down" break several times, continuing to sneeze and cough. The very next week at the same time, I'll bet you a dollar to a dime that you'll find yourself at home enjoying your drink of choice, blissfully alone on your own comfortable sofa.