On An About Face

Hello there. Did you miss me? Before I begin this evening's entry, let me first thank everyone for the all of the lovely faxes and telegrams I received while collapsed in bed with depression. My 6 year old niece Betty collected them all in a very neat stack on an adorable side-table in my office, and I promise to get around to reading them one day fairly soon.

As I lay in bed these past couple of days in the throws of despair, it occurred to me, for the very first time, that the vast majority of you must certainly be in worse shape than I. It was in that moment of personal growth that my toes touched the floor and I was out of bed and on my way.

Now that I am back on my feet, allow me to share with you some of the secret pick-me-ups I use to shake myself out of the doldrums. Perhaps they will work for you!

I find that in times of despair, wearing two and half times the amount of make-up one normally wears provides a boost of glamour, confidence and excitement. Before putting on make-up, apply a thick coating of Vaseline to the vanity mirror, distributing it evenly over the entire surface. Now, paint on a bold shade of lipstick, enlarging the mouth by a third. Yves Saint Laurent's Rouge Volupté Pearl lipstick in Insolent Beige is absolutely perfect.

After painting the mouth, draw in completely new eyebrows with a black pencil, and liberally apply Chanel's Illusion D'Ombre Long Wear Luminous Eyeshadow in Mirifique to the eye lids, blending it far out into the temple, almost to the hairline. Apply two sets of false eyelashes to the top and bottom lash line, then put hollows in one's cheeks using a very dark foundation.

Feeling better? Great. Now you're ready to greet the world, brimming with confidence and style. Go shopping! Buy yourself that antique you've been eyeing for the past few trips into town. Attached below is a photo of your fair writer doing exactly that. A former friend snapped this photo as I was watching a couple of young men load an oversized antique ottoman into the trunk of my car on one of the hottest days of the year. Once home, I placed the ottoman outside in the back garden and I think it's charming. Don't you?