On Ipanema

Judging by the overflow of faxes I discovered upon my return home yesterday, not many of you knew that I was out of the country traversing the beautiful Ipanema Beach in sunny Rio de Janeiro. The nondisclosure was intentional, as I feel that being chatty about one's movements can often leave one's home vulnerable to thievery. I also feel that sharing certain aspects of my schedule could be misconstrued as braggadocios to quite a large number of you.

Embarrassingly, I took part in the trip as part of a local tour group in a disastrous attempt to "engage socially". But due to immediate disagreements on itinerary, philosophy and grammar, I broke off from the group upon landing and made arrangements with my travel agent for my own return flight home. Vacations are, by nature, very stressful affairs which are compounded by the number of people involved. When faced with this situation, it's best to cut ties immediately rather than put on a brave face and develop an ulcer.

Ipanema is famous for its elegance and affluence, and visitors should dress accordingly. Wikipedia, a computerized resource of facts and information, lists Ipanema as one of the most expensive locations in which to live, and further states that a majority of its residents are economically pegged as "upper-middle-class". It's one of four and a half places on this planet where I truly feel at home.

For a reasonable fee, one can employ the services of certain locals to act as a personal guide and/or interpreter to mature adventurers traveling alone. Here, my Monday through Thursday guide, Paulo, gives the universal "thumbs-up" signal when presented with the iPad he requested.

I was ecstatic to find Coca-Cola Zero available at a small cabana on the far end of the beach. I believe that one can best enjoy a foreign territory when equipped with a modicum of familiar trappings. It helps to keep one grounded. Too much of any foreign culture can be unnecessarily disorienting and trigger panic and anxiety attacks. When traveling, always appreciate, observe and respect the exotic beauty of your foreign locale, but never forget who you are in the process.

One final word of warning, however: the beaches of Ipanema can be as deadly as they are beautiful. On one particular morning, my weekend interpreter Narciso and I awoke to find a body floating in the hotel pool. After screaming, I took a series of artistic photographs of Narciso as he heroically pulled the body from the water, one of which I am debuting here within this blog entry. I've pixelated the victim's face in a tasteful and conceptual recognition of privacy.